Tyra Booker

I tried to avoid this topic for as long as possible, but today, it weighed on my heart to open up and start this conversation—friendship.

Transparency is important to me, and friendships have been one of my biggest struggles throughout my life. As I write this, I want to be intentional with my words, as if I were articulating my thoughts to a therapist.

I have never truly felt like I had genuine friendships outside of two, maybe three people. A lot of my perspective on friendships has been shaped by how I was raised. My mother constantly told me, “Everyone is not your friend,” or “You don’t have friends,” and even, “Stop being so quick to call people your friend—friendship stands the test of time.” While I understand there is truth in those statements, I was never taught how to be a friend. It was always a warning about who wasn’t my friend, but never guidance on how to cultivate and maintain meaningful friendships.

Over time, I developed insecurities around friendships because I have lost many. A trending topic in today’s culture is, “If you’re always losing friends, you’re the problem.” While there may be some truth to that, it’s also an oversimplification.

Yes, someone who has experienced multiple failed friendships may need to self-reflect and work through personal issues. However, it’s also possible that they simply have standards. I was never taught how to be a friend, but I do have standards for my friendships, and I take them seriously. So, what does it truly mean to be a friend? Let’s explore both the world’s definition and what the Bible says about friendship.

The World’s Definition of Friendship

A friend is someone with whom you share a voluntary relationship based on care, trust, respect, and support. Friendship involves shared experiences, mutual understanding, and a connection built on loyalty and honesty.

Key aspects of being a friend:

• Trust: Feeling confident in sharing personal information and relying on one another.
• Respect: Valuing each other’s opinions and boundaries.
• Support: Being there during difficult times and celebrating successes.
• Honesty: Maintaining open communication without deception.
• Empathy: Understanding and sharing each other’s feelings.
• Acceptance: Appreciating someone for who they are, flaws and all.

What the Bible Says About Friendship

There are many scriptures that speak on the value of friendship. Here are a few that stand out:

• Proverbs 17:17 – “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
• Proverbs 27:17 – “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
• Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 – “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
• Proverbs 12:26 – “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
• Proverbs 22:24-25 – “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered.”
• John 15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Sometimes, we assume we know how to be a good friend, but have we ever truly taken the time to reflect on what that looks like? I know I haven’t always done so. I used to think I was a great friend, but as time passed, I realized I lacked in areas where I believed I excelled.

Friendships require growth, effort, and self-awareness. I am learning to ensure that I am becoming the person God has called me to be and embodying the qualities of a friend that I would want to have. I am taking time to examine my heart and align my actions with the characteristics the Bible speaks of.

The Importance of Time

Time reveals everything. I often pray for strong friendships, yet I don’t always give people the time to prove themselves as true friends. Rushing into friendships can lead to unnecessary breakups, falling outs, and immaturity. The best thing I can do is give it time.

There are so many different aspects of friendships to explore—so stay tuned for Part 2.

Talk again soon! 😊